Our Dysfunctional Family Dispositions

The question of the day is this; how am I going to get all the kids to get along, most of the time, this summer? My kids argue about everything under the sun and they have such different, conflicting personalities. The family make-up is as follows: Two, 15-year-old boys, a 7 year-old girl, and two, 4-year-old girls.

No.5, age 15, is outgoing, very social and talkative; he wants to hug everyone and make sure they’re ok. I’m pretty sure that he was voted “Most Likely to be Abducted” by his Kindergarten class. The last time I checked, he wants a little brother. I guess he thinks the more the merrier. That is NOT happening! I think my “oven” burnt up.

No.4, age 15, is an anti-social germaphobe. He is completely opposed to any type of communication that involves him speaking words – to anyone. He is also completely opposed to touching – ANYTHING. As you can see, this is a great match to his twin brother No. 5. These are also fabulous qualities to have in a large family. His repeated request is to be an only child, something that obviously could have NEVER happened, as he is the 2^nd of the twin boys. So, I’m sorry for your luck Chuck, you can take it up with your therapist, along with your abhorrence for my creative sarcasm.

No.3, age 7, the singleton of the family is, in effect, the middle child. She constantly insists that she needs a “twin” because everyone else in the family has one, but she doesn’t; she also claims to have no-one to play with. What a shame, two brothers, two sisters, and no-one to play with. This is obviously my fault, I need to get her a twin, a fact that I’m sure she will take up with her therapist when she’s older.

No.2, age 4, is bossy, hotheaded and independent. Come to think of it, according to science, this is also my fault. She does not like to be told “No”; but, now that I think about it, who does? She is the President of the FPSS, Frequent Pouters Sister Society, and author of “I’m Not Going to be Your Best Friend Anymore If . . . .” Coming to stores in 2030.

No.1, age 4, is happy and carefree, unless you tell her “No” then there’s going to be a great deal of lamentation. She is “behind the curve” due to birthing difficulties. She has CVI and cerebral palsy; this, incidentally, is also my fault. Consequently, I foresee lots of counseling in everyone’s future, but I digress.

Back to the original question at hand; how am I going to get all the kids to get along, most of the time, this summer? Well, I do have some thoughts; but, I guess that will have to be another post.

© Clever Freelance Writing 2017